Did You Get Me?

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When I was in Primary 5, I was the class monitor. Mr Chew was our form teacher. I had just learned a new phrase “Did you get me?” and I had been dying to use it in a sentence to impress him.

One fine day, the opportunity came when he walked into the class and a few of my classmates were still held up in another class in another classroom. Mr Chew asked “Where are the rest?” I seized the opportunity. I told him my classmates were on their way back from another class and ended that sentence with “Did you get me?”

Mr Chew pointed his finger at me, looked me straight in the eye and said “Don’t be rude.” Thinking that he didn’t hear what I said, I repeated myself: “No, no, no…I mean did you get me?” He then also repeated “Don’t be rude!” I was devastated.

It wasn’t till I attended Landmark Education’s Communication: Power to Create course more than 20 years that I recalled this incident. As a young 11 year old boy, I was scolded by a person of authority for speaking in a direct manner. Since then, I grew hesitant of communicating in a direct and powerful way for fear of ‘getting scolded’. Instead I wrap my communication with sarcasm.

I became a sarcastic person.

I Wound Up Being Witty

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I was the shortest guy in my class in Secondary One. It didn’t help my self-esteem that the way we were lined up as a class was from the shortest girl to the tallest girl and then right behind the tallest girl was the shortest to the tallest guy. So I found myself standing right behind Liling, the tallest girl in my class.

Being short and not exactly good-looking, I had a view of myself that I always needed to work very hard to get noticed. I was always jealous of Jiaqiang and Youshun who somehow seemed to have this aura of high potential. Seniors and teachers took one glance at them and decided that both of them were gonna be future leaders.

Like every human being, my survival instinct kicked in and I decided I needed to charm others in a different way. To get attention, I began really good at cracking jokes and making smart-Alec remarks.

I wound up being witty.

I’m Just Speaking My Mind

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Carl Rogers’ On Becoming A Person: A Therapist’s View of Psychotherapy is the most important book I read in my 20s. The idea that a therapist creates a safe space, free of judgement, for her patient by being congruent captivated me.

The way I understood congruence back then was that my outward behaviour (my speaking, my body language) is aligned or consistent with my thoughts and feelings at that moment. And nowadays, it’s commonly been described as being authentic when you’re speaking your mind or expressing your feelings.

It wasn’t till the Landmark Forum that I started to consider that my thoughts and feelings were often inauthentic and that I first had to unpack my thoughts and feelings.

I got attracted to a guy and then found out he was not that into me. ‘Naturally’ I started to think he’s not that great after all and started to feel much less attraction towards him.

I got excited about a business idea and then failed terribly when I executed it. ‘Naturally’ I started to think it wasn’t really my calling and started to feel much less passionate about the project.

I’m Just Being Authentic

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Authenticity has become such a trendy buzzword in recent years that “I’m just being authentic” has been thrown around so much as a tactic to establish affinity and trust. We are human after all. We can somehow sense when someone is be-ing authentic and when someone is do-ing authentic.

I’m A Good Receiver

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It was at the Millionaire Mind Intensive seminar I attended in 2010 when I discovered I was lousy at receiving.

Perhaps it’s not a surprise given my “I don’t need you” identity. After all why would someone who doesn’t need anything from anyone need to receive anything from anyone?

There’s a game I play to practice becoming better at receiving. On my drive to work, I spend five to ten minutes generating, non-stop, a list of all the good stuff I would like to receive in my life.

Some of the things I came up with surprised myself. It did not fit my view of myself. And that’s a good thing. What I found useful was to give up judging what I came up with. If I got stuck, I just kept repeating what I’d already created.

Here’s my list…

I’m a good receiver of love;

I’m a good receiver of wealth;

I’m a good receiver of abundance;

I’m a good receiver of money;

I’m a good receiver of acknowledgement;

I’m a good receiver of compliments;

I’m a good receiver of opportunities;

I’m a good receiver of guidance;

I’m a good receiver of affection;

I’m a good receiver of luck;

I’m a good receiver of admiration;

I’m a good receiver of attraction;

I’m a good receiver of good fortune;

I’m a good receiver of gifts;

I’m a good receiver of care;

I’m a good receiver of concern;

I’m a good receiver of fun;

I’m a good receiver of adventure;

I’m a good receiver of pity;

I’m a good receiver of serendipity;

I’m a good receiver of grace;

I’m a good receiver of happiness;

I’m a good receiver of nourishment;

I’m a good receiver of nutrition;

I’m a good receiver of contribution;

I’m a good receiver of support;

I’m a good receiver of help;

Like me, do you also go about life pretending that you are self-sufficient? That you thrive on being alone? Or maybe you have a different pretense? That you are undeserving? That too may prevent you from becoming a good receiver and leading a life of ease and grace.