Carl Rogers’ On Becoming A Person: A Therapist’s View of Psychotherapy is the most important book I read in my 20s. The idea that a therapist creates a safe space, free of judgement, for her patient by being congruent captivated me.

The way I understood congruence back then was that my outward behaviour (my speaking, my body language) is aligned or consistent with my thoughts and feelings at that moment. And nowadays, it’s commonly been described as being authentic when you’re speaking your mind or expressing your feelings.

It wasn’t till the Landmark Forum that I started to consider that my thoughts and feelings were often inauthentic and that I first had to unpack my thoughts and feelings.

I got attracted to a guy and then found out he was not that into me. ‘Naturally’ I started to think he’s not that great after all and started to feel much less attraction towards him.

I got excited about a business idea and then failed terribly when I executed it. ‘Naturally’ I started to think it wasn’t really my calling and started to feel much less passionate about the project.